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Welcome to the Autumn Fitness Test, where the leaves are crisp, the stakes are nonexistent, and the roster makes absolutely zero canonical sense.
The whistle blows, the clipboard is ready, and the results of the physical assessment are in.

🏃‍♂️ The 100-Meter Dash

• Sonic the Hedgehog (https://www.google.com/search?kgmid=%2Fm%2F07656&q=Sonic+the+Hedgehog) & Tails (https://www.google.com/search?kgmid=%2Fm%2F01h4t2&q=Tails): Finished the race, went to a local diner, ordered chili dogs, and came back before the stopwatch could even register a single second. 10/10.
• Mario (https://www.google.com/search?kgmid=%2Fm%2F0kzx2&q=Mario) & Luigi (https://www.google.com/search?kgmid=%2Fm%2F0kzwm&q=Luigi): Kept performing long jumps and backward somersaults down the track. Luigi (https://www.google.com/search?kgmid=%2Fm%2F0kzwm&q=Luigi) accidentally clipped into a wall and was disqualified for exploiting a glitch. 7/10.
• Donkey Kong (https://www.google.com/search?kgmid=%2Fm%2F0k_pj&q=Donkey+Kong): Instead of running, he just curled into a ball and rolled down the lane, shattering the track’s concrete boundary. 8/10.
• Rick Astley (https://www.google.com/search?kgmid=%2Fm%2F029kz0&q=Rick+Astley): Ran at a perfectly steady, rhythmic jog. He pacing was flawless because you already know: he's never gonna run around and desert you. 10/10 for reliability.

🏋️‍♂️ The Max-Weight Bench Press

• Bowser (https://www.google.com/search?kgmid=%2Fm%2F0k_8p&q=Bowser): Walked up to the barbell, got angry that it wouldn't move on its own, breathed fire on it, and melted the weights into a puddle of molten iron. Failed the lift, but won the intimidation factor. 0/10.
• Master Hand (https://www.google.com/search?kgmid=%2Fg%2F120ylk2m&q=Master+Hand): Didn't even use the barbell. He just clenched his fingers into a massive fist and started bench-pressing the actual floor of the gym. Cosmic strength. 10/10.
• R.O.B.: His robotic gears whirred loudly as he attempted to lift. He suffered a hydraulic failure, beeped a sad 8-bit melody, and required immediate maintenance. 2/10.
• Magolor: Deceptively floated over the bench press, cast a dark magical vortex, and levitated the weights effortlessly. The judges are currently reviewing the rulebook to see if cosmic sorcery counts as a performance-enhancing drug. 9/10.

🤸‍♂️ The Sit-and-Reach Flexibility Test

Karl Marx (https://www.google.com/search?kgmid=%2Fm%2F048cl&q=Karl+Marx): Strikingly crossed out from the roster. It turns out he refused to participate in a fitness test that inherently ranks individuals based on their physical capital, arguing that the athletic gains should be distributed equally among the entire roster. He spent the afternoon distributing pamphlets by the water fountain instead. Disqualified.
Should we move on to the Agility Shuttle Run, or do you want to see how this chaotic crew handles the Post-Workout Nutrition Buffet?

yes