FANFIC: Battle for Dream Island, MKPC edition!

Hello mod 🙋‍♂️

I don't want Squishy Cheries, I want Squashy Grapes...

Refridge u r on grapes
Plus I cant move u 2 cherries cause it's full

Oh, I just didn't reconize the title, whoops!

This is a fanfic?! I thought it was us actually playing the game! Whoops… well in that case i guess it doesnt matter when i can play. Personality: easily excited, makes sarcastic jokes a lot

Episode 1: Revealations
Lakitu: Im bored
Nudgy: Me 2
Lakitu: Hey I haz idea
Nudgy: Whatg is idea
Lakitu: Lets make object show
Nudgy: Be our host pls
Me: SURE

Your first challenge is to find the pinecones
Neptuno: Can I have one
ME: Sure
GamerJax: Oh! Look! I Found Pinecone!

ME: So Neptuno and gamerjax pick teams, episodes daily
Episode 2 is 7/9?

I'll be in squashy grapes

What was this episode lol

Seems good plus it's me Lu1giboywr

…Ok, so, I… Er…

This isn’t the worst thing I’ve seen… But it’s also not the best.

Introducing another episode of… NASHATRA’S CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM CORNER!!!

Ok, so, lemme just summarized what happened in my own words:
-We are introduced to absolutely no one.
-Lakitu and Nudgey come up with an idea to host a show.
-First-ish challenge: Find a pinecone.
-Neptuno and GamerJax simply cheese it.
The end.

So, for the pros… There’s literally none I can give (sorry). There’s absolutely no context to what happened before this, only, like a handful of characters are introduced (which never happens to every other object show, the viewers get a taste of their personalities before the host appears and the show starts), and the challenge was probably simple just for times sake.

Some other problems are:
-There’s literally no plot whatsoever.
-The pacing is really quick.
But most importantly…
-A 4-year-old could come up with this (and the “episode”, if I were to animate it, would be, like, 12 seconds long).

Overall, I grade this episode…
D+ (kinda terrible).

Now, I know this was probably your first fic, which I totally understand, but the writing process takes time. You have to find a good plotline people can follow easily, not too complex, and not too rushed (you did the latter), try to take your time (maybe not make it daily?) and just what I do, but might help you: make a rough draft of said episode you’re going to make. After that, revise it a bit, ask ppl for opinions, and when ur confident in ur work, give out a release date (preferably 2-3 days after said release date is given) and touch the episode up a little bit. And then once that date hits, release it.

I really see potential in you, so maybe give some effort, will ya?

Thanks for listening, Nashatra Bealdhild tuning out, be good people ^_^

bro rushed art.

To be fair, Jelly kinda did. It’s like trying to paint the Mona Lisa but instead you ge5 a stickman.

It’s kind of like Inanimate Insanity. It started off as a generic object show, but eventually grew to cinema. I can see JG making this into a cool object show with enough time and effort.

Bro chill out ur taking a step too far

Can i sign up pls

Hell naw this is getting a H+

I hope you don't take this in a very offending way... It's not AWESOME like Camp MKPC Ep. 1, but it's better than nothing. I kinda did better in other fanfics... not to brag. I hope you don't find this offending.
Edit: you're also making it sound like GamerJax is smart as a tire, though he is very smart. ()

this seems good we aren't fighting alot

This is basically what I said when I graded this thing. It’s not the best, but also not the worst.