[PILOT OUT NOW] Ghosts of the Mushroom Kingdom (Fanfic)

FROM THE GUY BEHIND TOAD-AL DRAMA
For those who don't know, "Ghosts" is a sitcom that follows a group of historical ghosts who haunt a house inherited by a living couple. One of the people gets into an accident that allows her to see the ghosts, and chaos ensues from there. There are separate versions in the UK, US, and other countries, but from what I've seen, they all follow the same formula.

I'm gonna be writing a version set in the Mushroom Kingdom. In this fanfic, Luigi and Daisy are a newlywed couple who move into a mansion won through a sweepstakes. The ghosts that inhabit this mansion include a feral Yoshi from the Stone Age, a pair of warring generals from the Great Mushroom-Koopa War, an aristocratic Birdo, and many more. The pilot should be out by next week. (From there, episodes will come out as I finish them. I've learned from Toad-al Drama that forcing a schedule will only stress me out and increase my chances of quitting.)

Writing's going... decently? But there are some things I'm not quite sure about, so I'm not gonna release the pilot publicly at first. Instead, if anyone would like to volunteer to be the "test audience", I'll send you the link to a Google Doc or something once I'm done. Any changes I need to make will be written after that.

Ladies and gentlemen... THE PILOT IS COMPLETE! (The first draft at least.)
React to this message with :luigi_fear: within the next 24 hours, and I'll DM you a link to an exclusive Google Doc. After some tweaking, I'll eventually have it ready to post here on the forum.

I was gonna make a lot more changes to the pilot, but you've waited long enough, so all I did in the end was remove an adult joke that definitely wouldn't slide. If you like this, I'll continue the series. If not, oh well.
•
It’s a quiet morning in a large mansion. So quiet, that it’s almost silent. Only the wind can be heard, and the house is rotting with each passing day. Despite its appearance though, the mansion’s far from abandoned.
Inside, a red Birdo wearing a golden-yellow dress can be seen rallying up the other residents. They eventually end up in a guest room on the first floor, where a Switch, a TV, and lots of scrambled wires can be found.
Bernadine: Get on it, Doug.
A Koopa Troopa in a towel (not even the weirdest in the group) steps forward and uses some supernatural force to try and turn the TV on. When it finally did, he was met with a Switch start-up screen.
Doug: So… what now?
A white Rex tries to rewire everything- after all, he was the one who originally set it up- but his hands pass right through the wires.
Scat: Oh, right. I’m dead.
The detached head of a light blue Birdo with a black mask and beanie sits on the nightstand, rolling her eyes.
Jo: Dude. We’re all dead. It’s been four months. Get over it!
Bernadine: So how will we watch the results now?
Just then, an old glasses-wearing Goomba gets an idea.
Doc: I suppose since Doug’s power is electricity, he can change the input so-
Doug: I turn things on, I turn things off. Just because I died of electrocution doesn’t mean I’m Mary Shelley.
Doc: First of all, you’re probably referring to Marie Curie. Second, if you are, she specialized in uranium, not electricity. Third, if you ARE referring to Mary Shelley, she and Dr. Frankenstein aren’t the same person.
Doug: WHATEVER! Why do you care about the sweepstakes anyway?
Breezy: ‘Cause we’re getting new residents soon, so we might as well see who they are first.
Doug’s eyes widen, and he turns his head towards the orange Yoshi who just said that.
Doug: What are the chances of her being super hot?
Breezy: Why is that your first question to everything?
Doug: Why does nobody remember that time I asked where Jo’s body was?
Bernadine: Because everybody already asks that.
Jo: Come to think of it, where IS my body?
Just then, a Hammer Bro. in metal armor phases through the wall with Jo’s black-clothed body in his arms. He’s accompanied by an armored Toad.
Harold: I have found your remaining half, Jo!
Kent: Just so you know, I was the one who found it. Harold just won a game of rock-paper-scissors to bring it back to you.
Jo: Just bring it over here!
After a bit of guiding through the room, Jo’s finally in one piece again.
Harold: I also found-
Kent: Just “found”
Harold: There’s a coach in the driveway!
Jo: You mean a car, right?
Kent: No. A real coach.
Bernadine gets up and runs to the door.
Bernadine: WE HAVE ACTUAL ROYALTY HERE? We haven’t had that in DECADES!
Everyone comes along to see who it is, and they are shocked.
Daisy: Open your eyes, honey.
Luigi, her newlywed husband, takes his first look at the abandoned house, and is understandably skeptical.
Luigi: Is this… is this where we’ll be living?
Daisy: It’s not much right now, but just picture it. After some fixing, we could turn this into the best history museum in the Mushroom Kingdom.
Suddenly, Bernadine went from enraptured to enraged.
Bernadine: Do they really think they can take this place of rich history and turn it into a people-y hell?
Jo: We’re already a people-y hell.
Breezy: Yeah, what are some more visitors?
Bernadine: They are also going to commercialize it.
The ghosts went silent, and realized that maybe the old lady was right. She then held a meeting in the living room.
Bernadine: Whoever has a special power, speak up!
Doc: When people walk through me, they smell smoke.
Scat: Ooh, burning house vibes. Nice.
Bernadine: Anyone else?
Jo: You should know all our powers by now.
Bernadine: I just believe a refresher can help us figure out what we are working with.
Jo: Ugh, fine.
Jo turns towards a window and opens it, followed by Doug flickering a chandelier.
Bernadine: Oh, dear. This gets more pathetic every day.
Breezy: Hold on. Where’s Uri?
Just then, a Yoshi with spikes all over his body runs into the room on all fours.
Doug: Where were you all day?
Breezy: He can’t talk, remember? Anyway, Uri, we need you to show us your ghost power.
Uri takes a deep breath and howls so loudly it can be heard throughout the whole house. It quickly reaches Luigi and Daisy in the left wing while they’re mapping out a layout for the museum.
Luigi: Did you hear that, Daisy?
Daisy: It’s probably just the wind.
Luigi: Oh, you could be right. Now where were we?
Back in the living room, Bernadine devises a haunting plan.
Bernadine: Jo, stay here! Mess with the doors as you wish. Doug, take the second floor! Doc, you’ve got the attic!
Doc: Correct me if I’m wrong, but wouldn’t most people expect such a dusty area to smell as such?
Bernadine: Fair point. You can switch with Jo.
Breezy: What about the basement?
Scat: We have a basement?
Bernadine: Any volunteers to be in the vicinity of those disgusting Blorbs victims?
Kent: They never desired to contract the disease.
Harold: And I suppose that is why they went outside amidst a pandemic?
Uri excitedly stomps down to the basement to cover that area.
Bernadine: To each their own, I guess. Now places! Chop, chop!
After about a minute, Doc finds Daisy in the drawing room looking for design inspiration. Once he finally catches her at a moment where she was standing still, Doc dashes swiftly- or at least as swiftly as his tiny Goomba stubs can take him- through the princess.
Daisy: Hmm… there seems to be a fire that happened here recently. That’s interesting.
Meanwhile, Luigi’s checking out the master bedroom. Doug finds him and immediately messes around with a lamp in order to drive him out. It works… for a split second.
Luigi: We’re definitely gonna need to update the electricity.
A little while later, Daisy heads down to the boiler room.
Blorbed Toad #1: And then I’m like, “That dude’s got less of a spine than I do.”
The room was pretty much silent, other than Uri laughing with a sound that resembled a compressed orchestra hit.
Blorbed Toad #1: See, you get it. Why don’t the others come down here?
Blorbed Toad #2: ‘Cause Uri’s a freak and we’re more inflated than an 18+ DeviantArt gallery.
Blorbed Toad #3: Doesn’t stop that beautiful lady.
Uri and the Toads look up to see Daisy walking down the stairs.
Blorbed Toad #4: Great, another newbie for us to waste our time trying to direct.
Daisy: Is that a leak?
Blorbed Toad #3: Finally! Someone notices the leak!
She goes back upstairs to alert Luigi.
Blorbed Toad #5: Of course she doesn’t try to fix it. Nobody does.
Uri suddenly remembers his assignment and loudly howls again.
Blorbed Toad #2: She’s already gone, buddy.
Daisy: Man, that is some wind.
Meanwhile, Luigi’s climbing a ladder to get up to the attic. He reaches the floor and tugs on the door, but it seems to be locked. He decides to go back down, but just then, the door swings open and knocks him off the ladder, sending him plummeting down. Daisy hears his scream, followed by a thud, and rushes up to see what’s wrong.
Daisy: LUIGI! ARE YOU OKAY?!
She doesn’t get a response, and rushes him to the hospital. Jo hears this and comes down with excitement.
Jo: Did it work? Did that actually work?!
Bernadine: You were supposed to drive them out, not kill them!
Jo: Dude. They’re out.
Bernadine takes Jo’s head off and brings it so close to her face that they might as well be kissing.
Bernadine: First of all, do not call me “dude”. Second, you almost gave us another ghost to torment us.
Jo: You do know I can smell your last meal, right? And I deeply apologize on behalf of whoever was cooking that night.
Just for that insult, Bernadine hands the head over to Doug, who chucks it into another room. Despite Jo’s blunder, the next few days are quite peaceful… and then Luigi and Daisy come back
Luigi: Are you sure we should still be living here?
Jo: Please say no, please say no.
Daisy: So a door hit you. I’m sure there’s an explanation for it.
Doug: The explanation’s right there!
The ghosts figure that if they just go back up to the attic for a bit, Luigi and Daisy will go away. Uri decides to stay though, albeit hiding behind an old chair in the living room while Daisy lays her husband down on a couch.
Daisy: Stay right here, babe. I’m gonna go investigate what the rogue door thing might’ve been. If you need anything, let me know.
Luigi: Thanks, honey.
Once Daisy leaves, Uri slowly approaches Luigi.
Luigi: Yoshi? You look… different.
Uri is utterly shocked. To his millions of years’ worth of knowledge, no living person could ever see a ghost before. Now he’s face-to-face with the exception. He quickly scurries to the attic to tell the others- or at least try to. They struggle to pick up what he’s gesturing at.
Kent: Are you growing a mustache?
Bernadine: Luigi’s gone mad and is performing Hamlet.
Doug: BOWSER LOST A KART RACE AND SET BOO CINEMA ON FIRE!
Uri just stares at him, thinking, “Why do you think that could be right?”
Doug: Look, I’m not the charades world champion, okay?
Uri gives up and leads them to the living room, and to say Luigi couldn’t wrap his head around 9 new people is an understatement.
Luigi: Who are you guys?! What are you doing here?! How long have you been here?!
Breezy: Great questions. I’ll let Doc explain.
Doc: We’re all ghosts. While most move onto another life, we are the unfortunate few who are stuck here until further notice.
Luigi: I… I don’t get it. I’ve fought several ghosts before. How have I not seen you ‘til now?
Doc: Well, you’ve got your Boos and your spirits. We’re part of the latter category. I read a scroll once that said living folk can only perceive their own vibrational frequency, unless they’ve been rebooted through near-death, electromagnetic trauma, or cursed citrus.
Luigi: … Say what now?
Breezy: After you bumped your head falling off the ladder-
Jo: My bad… oh, who am I kidding? That was fun.
Breezy: Ignore her. She’s a former criminal who’s using her afterlife to pull even more mischief. Anyway, since you were technically dead for a short time, you’re able to interact with both the living and the deceased of several species beyond your own.
Luigi: Or I’m just seeing things as a side effect to the coma.
Doug: You don’t seem like the kind who would wanna think about a half-naked Koopa.
Luigi: Who says I’d want to? Couldn’t these just be random visions?
Doc: Because if you’re picturing something so vividly, it can only be because that thought is of a recent experience.
Jo: If you wanna come out as a scaly-
Luigi: FINE! IT’S THE GHOST THING!
Doug: Works every time.
Bernadine: That was only the second time using it, and Scat is still in denial.
Doug: A WIN IS A WIN!
Luigi: Just one more question.
Ghosts: Forever.
Luigi: Dang it.
Scat: Wait, I have something!
The ghosts all groan.
Scat: Relax. It’s about Luigi. When I died here, this house was known to be cursed, so when I passed, my buddies all agreed that nobody should step foot here again- all of them except for one. He thought he could make a fortune out of a haunted house, so that must be where the sweepstakes came from. If the ghosts were part of the advertising, then how did you not know about them until now?
Luigi hesitantly goes back up to the attic.
Luigi: I have an answer and a question.
Daisy: Oooookay?
Luigi: The answer is about the door. There are ghosts in this house, and my injury allows me to see them now.
Daisy: Are… are you okay? You should… really lie down.
Luigi: I don’t know. If they were just visions from the coma, they should be sticking with me, not leaving and entering on their own.
Daisy: Well… I got abducted by aliens once, so I guess that tracks.
Luigi: Wow. That’s all it took for you to believe me?
Daisy: This is the Mushroom Kingdom. A ghost house is just an everyday occurrence at this point.
Luigi: So I guess that didn’t affect you entering the sweepstakes?
Daisy: This is about the sweepstakes? Is there something I missed?
Luigi: One of the ghosts told me that the mansion’s cursed history was a huge part of the advertising.
Daisy: Ooh, I’m so sorry. I just saw “ENTER TO WIN A HOUSE” on the flyer and said, “Hell yeah!”
Luigi: I think what’s scarier than the ghosts is the fact that we already know what to expect from each other.
The two laugh for a bit before Luigi asks Daisy one more thing.
Luigi: Would you like to meet them?
Daisy: I WOULD LOVE THAT! Assuming they’re not super creepy of course.
Luigi: I’ll negotiate some limits with ‘em.
The two climb back down to the living room to meet their companions.
Luigi: Hi again, everyone… this is my wife, Daisy. I’m sure you’ve heard of her.
Bernadine: Well let me be the first to tell you that it is an honor to be in the presence of royalty.
Luigi turns to Daisy to relay the message.
Luigi: Some fancy-dressed Birdo- well, come to think of it, you guys never really introduced yourselves.
Bernadine: Allow me to begin. My name is Bernadine, and as one of many owners from a fine family in the Victorian Era, I believe this mansion is under my control even after my physical passing.
Luigi: Very modest, I see.
Daisy: Are you being serious or sarcastic?
Luigi: Sarcastic. Very sarcastic.
Bernadine: Well, as the only one of us who died of old age, it’s only fair to believe that I deserve much more respect.
Doug: Please, you’re just boring. Come back when you have a heart attack playing Five Nights at Freddy’s.
Scat: For some reason, it’s a lot more humiliating when I’m not the one who brings it up.
Luigi: Slow down! It’s really hard for me to keep up.
Daisy: Maybe I should just ignore them.
She runs up the stairs while struggling to get a hold of what’s going on. Luigi chases after her.
Luigi: It’s not me, right? I NEED TO KNOW IT’S NOT ME!
Breezy: I’d say we’re off to a pretty good start.
Scat: If our new housemates running away in fear and confusion was a good start, do I even wanna know what a bad start is?
Up in the bedroom, Luigi finds Daisy just staring at a wall.
Luigi: You’re not okay, are you?
Daisy: How could you tell?
Luigi: Just… tell me what’s wrong.
Daisy: First you almost die, then you’re seeing ghosts that I can only imagine… so much is going on and we’ve only been married for a few weeks. And I thought I was ready for the ghost stuff, but once you actually started talking to them… I guess it became even harder for me to wrap my head around.
Luigi: So it’s not me then?
Daisy: Luigi, you’re never the problem. You’re the kindest, humblest, most lovable guy I could ever meet, and a bunch of ghosts isn’t going to change that. Come to think of it, none of them are here, right?
Luigi takes a quick look around.
Luigi: Nope.
Daisy: To be honest, I think they’re the problem. It sounds so cool to live in a haunted house until you actually do.
Luigi: Can you give them a chance? Please? They didn’t choose to be stuck there. The best we can do is make their eternity just as good as ours. And I promise that no matter what happens, I'll always put you first.
Daisy: I don’t deserve you.
Luigi and Daisy hug, and then Uri peaks his head out from under the bed.
Luigi: Do you have anything better to do than spy on us?
Daisy: WHAT?!
•
And that's your introduction to Ghosts of the Mushroom Kingdom. Tell me what you think.