Steamed_Hams's profile
General stats
21 followers 
37 following 
12413 pts - Champion[?] - 2690th
6264 pts - Racer[?] - 741st
136 pts - 72 challenges won - 351st
150cc: 16 pts - 5 records - 1754th200cc: 181 pts - 56 records - 79th
973 created circuits - 229 cups
4 challenges created
1 shared character
253 comments on circuits
3 topics followed
About
Description:
The flag is the flag of the best islands in the world: South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Well, Seymour, I made it... Despite your directions.
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Ahhh, Superintendent Chalmers! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Nyeh...
(Principal Skinner exits into the kitchen)
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
GASP! Oh egads! My roast is ruined! But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Oh ho ho ho ho ho! Delightfully devilish, Seymour.
(Principal Skinner takes off his apron and opens the window. He puts his leg over the window, attempting to step outside. Before he can leave, Superintendent Chalmers enters the kitchen)
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Uh--
[THEME SONG]
Skinner, with his crazy explanations,
The Superintendent's gonna need his medication.
When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations,
There'll be trouble in town - tonight.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
SEYMOUR!!!!!!!
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Superintendent, I was just-- uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Uh... Ooh! That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmm. Steamed Clams!
(Superintendent Chalmers exits the kitchen)
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Whew...
(Principal Skinner leaves the kitchen from the windowsill and runs across the road into Krusty Burger to purchase hamburgers)
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamburgers.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
I thought we were having steamed clams.
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
D'oh no, I said Steamed Hams! That's what I call hamburgers.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Yes! It's a regional dialect.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Uh-huh. What region?
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Uhhh-upstate New York?
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Really. Well, I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'.
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Oh, not in Utica, no, it's an Albany expression.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
I see.
(Superintendent Chalmers takes a bite from the hamburger)
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Oh ho ho ho no! Patented Skinner Burgers; Old family recipe!
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
For steamed hams?
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Yes.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Yes, and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Y-- You know th-- One thing I sh-- 'Scuse me for one second...
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Of course.
(Principal Skinner leaves the table and opens the kitchen door walking inside. As the door swings open, it is clear that the kitchen is on fire. He walks back out and yawns)
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had by all, I'm pooped.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Yes, I should be---
(Superintendent Chalmers notices the fire through the swinging kitchen door)
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
GOOD LORD! What is happening in there?
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Aurora Borealis.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
A---Aurora Borealis? At this time of year! At this time of day! In this part of the country! Localized entirely within your kitchen?!?
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Yes.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
May I see it?
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
No.
(Principal Skinner leads Superintendent Chalmers outside)
[SKINNER'S MOTHER]
Seymour! The house is on fire!
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
No, mother, it's just the Northern Lights.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say - you steam a good ham.
(Superintendent Chalmers starts to walk away. Principal Skinner stands in front of his burning house)
[SKINNER'S MOTHER]
Heeeeelp! HEEEEEEEELP!!!
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Well, Seymour, I made it... Despite your directions.
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Ahhh, Superintendent Chalmers! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Nyeh...
(Principal Skinner exits into the kitchen)
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
GASP! Oh egads! My roast is ruined! But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Oh ho ho ho ho ho! Delightfully devilish, Seymour.
(Principal Skinner takes off his apron and opens the window. He puts his leg over the window, attempting to step outside. Before he can leave, Superintendent Chalmers enters the kitchen)
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Uh--
[THEME SONG]
Skinner, with his crazy explanations,
The Superintendent's gonna need his medication.
When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations,
There'll be trouble in town - tonight.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
SEYMOUR!!!!!!!
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Superintendent, I was just-- uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Uh... Ooh! That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmm. Steamed Clams!
(Superintendent Chalmers exits the kitchen)
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Whew...
(Principal Skinner leaves the kitchen from the windowsill and runs across the road into Krusty Burger to purchase hamburgers)
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamburgers.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
I thought we were having steamed clams.
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
D'oh no, I said Steamed Hams! That's what I call hamburgers.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Yes! It's a regional dialect.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Uh-huh. What region?
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Uhhh-upstate New York?
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Really. Well, I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'.
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Oh, not in Utica, no, it's an Albany expression.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
I see.
(Superintendent Chalmers takes a bite from the hamburger)
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Oh ho ho ho no! Patented Skinner Burgers; Old family recipe!
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
For steamed hams?
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Yes.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Yes, and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Y-- You know th-- One thing I sh-- 'Scuse me for one second...
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Of course.
(Principal Skinner leaves the table and opens the kitchen door walking inside. As the door swings open, it is clear that the kitchen is on fire. He walks back out and yawns)
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had by all, I'm pooped.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Yes, I should be---
(Superintendent Chalmers notices the fire through the swinging kitchen door)
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
GOOD LORD! What is happening in there?
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Aurora Borealis.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
A---Aurora Borealis? At this time of year! At this time of day! In this part of the country! Localized entirely within your kitchen?!?
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
Yes.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
May I see it?
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
No.
(Principal Skinner leads Superintendent Chalmers outside)
[SKINNER'S MOTHER]
Seymour! The house is on fire!
[PRINCIPAL SKINNER]
No, mother, it's just the Northern Lights.
[SUPERINTENDENT CHALMERS]
Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say - you steam a good ham.
(Superintendent Chalmers starts to walk away. Principal Skinner stands in front of his burning house)
[SKINNER'S MOTHER]
Heeeeelp! HEEEEEEEELP!!!
United States
Registered since 2025-10-27
Last connection: 2026-10-31
Advent Calendar 2025[?]: Snowy Flake
Latest messages on the forum:
On 2026-10-28 at 01:13:52 in Space for Anything... again
On 2026-10-20 at 03:52:42 in Space for Anything... again
I fixed the United States (again):
Changes:
1. Louisiana and Arkansas now have slightly more land with the acquisition of small parts of Texas
2. Iowa annexes the southeastern parts of South Dakota
3. Nebraska acquires the southeast parts of Wyoming
4. Arizona, Utah, Wyoming, and Colorado are now split up accordingly by the Colorado River, which eliminates all square shaped states and the four corners, along with change number 5
5. New Mexico and Arizona are split up by the Rio Grand
6. Newer Mexico is now part of New Mexico and no longer exists as a state
7. California's diagonal northeastern border gets extended to a comically large length, acquiring territory from Arizona
8. Montana becomes slightly larger and Billings (the state) becomes slightly smaller as they are now divided by the Rocky Mountains
9. Wyoming gets cut in half, forming a new territory between it and Billings called Mountain Land
10. Billings and Mountain Land become divided by a tributary of the Missouri River
Changes:
1. Louisiana and Arkansas now have slightly more land with the acquisition of small parts of Texas
2. Iowa annexes the southeastern parts of South Dakota
3. Nebraska acquires the southeast parts of Wyoming
4. Arizona, Utah, Wyoming, and Colorado are now split up accordingly by the Colorado River, which eliminates all square shaped states and the four corners, along with change number 5
5. New Mexico and Arizona are split up by the Rio Grand
6. Newer Mexico is now part of New Mexico and no longer exists as a state
7. California's diagonal northeastern border gets extended to a comically large length, acquiring territory from Arizona
8. Montana becomes slightly larger and Billings (the state) becomes slightly smaller as they are now divided by the Rocky Mountains
9. Wyoming gets cut in half, forming a new territory between it and Billings called Mountain Land
10. Billings and Mountain Land become divided by a tributary of the Missouri River
On 2026-10-20 at 00:09:34 in Space for Anything... again
I fixed the United States Map:
Changes:
1. New Hampshire and Vermont merge into the new state of New Lincolnshire
2. Pennsylvania acquires the entirety of New Jersey, giving it access to the Atlantic Ocean
3. The western parts of Maryland become West Virginia, as well as parts of Pennsylvania and Ohio
4. The awkwardly shaped western parts of Virginia are annexed by Kentucky
5. North Carolina takes the northeastern parts of Georgia and thus grows larger
6. The Upper Peninsula of Michigan becomes part of Wisconsin
7. Illinois, Arkansas, Kansas, and Nebraska acquire areas of Missouri
8. Iowa slightly dwindles when Missouri takes the southeastern areas the state
9. Arkansas and Louisiana annex the eastern parts of Texas
10. Mississippi takes the parts of Louisiana that are east of the Mississippi River
11. Oklahoma grows when it acquires the north panhandle of Texas
12. The westernmost areas of Texas split into the new state of Newer Mexico
13. Colorado shrinks when its Eastern areas are annexed by Kansas and Nebraska
14. North and South Dakota both acquire small parts of Minnesota
15. The large, eastern half of Montana separates into the new state of Billings
16. Arizona annexes the easternmost parts of California
17. Nevada dwindles when both Arizona and Utah take the eastern parts of the state
18. Montana acquires small parts of Idaho, as well as Oregon
Changes:
1. New Hampshire and Vermont merge into the new state of New Lincolnshire
2. Pennsylvania acquires the entirety of New Jersey, giving it access to the Atlantic Ocean
3. The western parts of Maryland become West Virginia, as well as parts of Pennsylvania and Ohio
4. The awkwardly shaped western parts of Virginia are annexed by Kentucky
5. North Carolina takes the northeastern parts of Georgia and thus grows larger
6. The Upper Peninsula of Michigan becomes part of Wisconsin
7. Illinois, Arkansas, Kansas, and Nebraska acquire areas of Missouri
8. Iowa slightly dwindles when Missouri takes the southeastern areas the state
9. Arkansas and Louisiana annex the eastern parts of Texas
10. Mississippi takes the parts of Louisiana that are east of the Mississippi River
11. Oklahoma grows when it acquires the north panhandle of Texas
12. The westernmost areas of Texas split into the new state of Newer Mexico
13. Colorado shrinks when its Eastern areas are annexed by Kansas and Nebraska
14. North and South Dakota both acquire small parts of Minnesota
15. The large, eastern half of Montana separates into the new state of Billings
16. Arizona annexes the easternmost parts of California
17. Nevada dwindles when both Arizona and Utah take the eastern parts of the state
18. Montana acquires small parts of Idaho, as well as Oregon
See all their messages
Best created circuits:
The Best Mario Cards Melting    9 | Mario Kart Spot The Differe... 14 | Tribute to Super Mario Kart... 7 | Wheel Mario 2 5 | Banana Glass 0 |
See all their circuits
Best created challenges:
Ghost Valley Secret Coin
Spirit Field 1: Collect all coins in Time Trial mode, in 200cc, in less than 15s, without touching the walls
Medium Koopa's Koin Kraziness
The Way to Run: Collect all coins in Time Trial mode, in 150cc, without using any item, in less than 1:40, with Koopa, without touching any clock hand
Difficult Nuclear Navigation!
Bowser's Nuclear Reactor: Complete a lap in VS mode, in 110cc, with 1 participant, in less than 30s
Medium See all their challenges
Last circuit comments:
The goats are on the island
In Goat Island on 2026-10-26 at 00:05:57"Seymour! The house is on fire!"
"No, mother, it's just the northern lights."
"Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say, you steam a good ham."
"No, mother, it's just the northern lights."
"Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say, you steam a good ham."
In Steamed Hams! on 2026-10-20 at 00:44:23"Superintendent, I hope you're ready for some mouthwatering hamburgers!"
"I thought we were having steamed clams"
"D'oh- no. I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers."
"You call hamburgers steamed hams?"
"Yes, it's a regional dialect."
"Uh-huh. What region?"
"Uh, upstate New York."
"Really? Well I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams.'"
"Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression."
"I see. You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krustyburger."
"Oh, no. Patented Skinner Burgers. Old family recipe."
"For steamed hams."
"Yes, yes"
"And you call them steamed hams despite the fact they are obviously grilled."
"Ye- You know, the- One thing I should- -Excuse me for one second."
"Of course."
"Well that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped."
"Yes, I should be- GOOD LORD WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?!"
"Aurora borealis."
"Aurora borealis?! At this time of year, at this time of day, localized entirely within your own kitchen?!"
"Yes."
"May I see it?"
"No."
"I thought we were having steamed clams"
"D'oh- no. I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers."
"You call hamburgers steamed hams?"
"Yes, it's a regional dialect."
"Uh-huh. What region?"
"Uh, upstate New York."
"Really? Well I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams.'"
"Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression."
"I see. You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krustyburger."
"Oh, no. Patented Skinner Burgers. Old family recipe."
"For steamed hams."
"Yes, yes"
"And you call them steamed hams despite the fact they are obviously grilled."
"Ye- You know, the- One thing I should- -Excuse me for one second."
"Of course."
"Well that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped."
"Yes, I should be- GOOD LORD WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?!"
"Aurora borealis."
"Aurora borealis?! At this time of year, at this time of day, localized entirely within your own kitchen?!"
"Yes."
"May I see it?"
"No."
In Steamed Hams! on 2026-10-20 at 00:42:03See all their comments
Last completed challenges:
You call this hard?
Mario Circuit 1: Complete the track in less than 40s in VS mode, in 999cc, without reverse drifting
Medium Koopa's Koin Kraziness
The Way to Run: Collect all coins in Time Trial mode, in 150cc, without using any item, in less than 1:40, with Koopa, without touching any clock hand
Difficult When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations they'll be traveling town tonight! SEYMOUR!
Steamed Hams!: Finish the game in the 1st position
Easy See all completed challenges
Best time trial records:
| Rank | Class | Circuit | Character | Time |
| 65th | 200cc | Rainbow Road |
|
1:33:947 |
| 77th | 200cc | Shroom Ridge |
|
1:26:950 |
| 77th | 200cc | Rainbow Road |
|
1:24:187 |
See all their records
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